Michael O’Leary: “Towards a Bloodbath”

Michael O’Leary must have been somewhat annoyed: 14% drop from last year’s €264-million profit. It must be said that the year has been particularly tough because of the war in Iraq and the increase of oil price. But apparently, everything’s going to get back to normal:

“We think there’s going to be an absolute bloodbath next winter and the lowest cost [airline] is going to win, and from our perspective we’re going to be the last man standing,” the company’s deputy chief executive, Michael Cawley, told Reuters.

How will they do that, you might wonder? Well, Michael O’Leary has the answer:

“Our view is that [fuel] prices will fall this winter, or next year,” he said, pointing out that the company would absorb higher oil prices by making cost savings in other areas.

Here’s my idea of what might happen: first of all, they might start to consider firing all those expensive pilots and hire instead learning-to-fly trainees, a bit like big football teams try some new young players on the pitch during great matches. They would therefore ensure that the next generation of pilots will be fit for flying. Now, that would be a bloodbath!

They should also decide to remove all those useless seats in the planes; they really take too much room – and are so uncomfortable that no one would notice… We could easily put an additional 20 people in a plane, couldn’t we?

Then, raising the price of coffee could be an excellent move forward. I mean… A cup is something like, what? €2.50? Well, 5.00 should do. Sterling, of course.

After all that, I can tell you, customers will rush out of the plane, bleeding beyond all expectations. And profits will be back to normal – a standard €250-€270 million.


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