“Chants would be a Fine Thing”

Read in today’s Guardian wrap:

The Wrap’s appetite for stories involving highly dubious scientific formulae is today satiated by the Times, which gives us the maths behind the perfect football chant.

It goes like this: “[C x I/A] + P (S + H) +T squared.”

The formula, dreamt up – sorry, we mean painstakingly worked out – by Rogan Taylor, director of the football industries group at the University of Liverpool, is explained thus: Contribution multiplied by Intensity divided by Aggression, added to Performance, multiplied by the sum of Spontaneity and Humour, added to Topicality squared.

The Wrap’s initial attempts at singing a new anthem in the office this morning ended without much success, but not before colleagues had kindly suggested the addition of some more colourful terms to spice up the magic formula.


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